Our Program In A Nutshell:
If you are in great pain over your compulsive behavior
If you are at your wit’s end
If you are feeling that it’s hopeless
And you are thinking you cannot go on living like this
Then I invite you to end your pain and suffering,
by discovering the true gift that your addiction was, all this time…
By seeing yourself through a Higher Level of Thinking, a Higher Level of Consciousness, through God’s Eyes: You are already perfect, whole, and complete, just as you are. You are not wrong, bad, incorrect, or inappropriate and neither is your behavior. Nothing is wrong. The reason you are feeling pain, depression and anxiety about your “addiction” is NOT because you are doing something wrong, it is because you are NOT seeing yourself or your behavior through God’s Eyes, which is that everything in The Universe is perfect, whole and complete as it is… including you and your behavior.
Begin to change your life starting with that premise, which is the energy of Unconditional Love– rather than the energy of shame due to self-judgment of wrongness, OR the energy of desperation, fear and anxiety of losing all that you hold dear. Release your stressful thinking around your addictive behavior to reveal the Unconditional Love, the God Energy, God’s Perception that lies within you and every one of us. Allow this level of consciousness guide you. You’ll know you are in that level of consciousness because you feel the beauty and wonder of Unconditional Love, for yourself and others, for this entire world.
So more important than taking corrective action to change your “addiction” behavior immediately, instead I invite you to make it a priority to develop the feeling and consciousness of Unconditional Love that resides within you. It is simple, but the intention must be set to do so, and the commitment must be made:
- Meditate regularly, so you can see your stressful thoughts about the “addiction”, and release them.
- Think of something or someone that you yourself love unconditionally (your child, a baby, a puppy, nature, a loved one, etc.). Then turn that love on yourself. Give yourself Unconditional Love and approval for ALL of who you are, in this moment, no matter what you are doing or what you have done.
- Do the work of Esther Hicks, Byron Katie, Larry Crane, Buddha, Jesus or any others who gave us ways to identify and release our painful thought patterns that we’ve come to identify ourselves with, so we can tap into the Universal Unconditional Love that is always in us.
If you have resistance when you do this work, it is because you believe your identity is in your thinking, and you may be scared if you release your thinking, you won’t have a “person” to identify yourself with (“This is who I am, so if I don’t think this way, then who am I? And What will happen to me and my life?”). The mind may resist, but that’s fine too. See the mind’s resistance through the eyes of Unconditional Love as well.
You may have read or heard this before: you are more than you think. But now I invite you to really experience and live from this truth. Understand that you will be fine. Your True Nature will be revealed. What you really are, is an extension of Source, an energetic being of Unconditional Love – just like God.
When you are able to do this on a regular basis, the “addiction” will simply fade away in one way or another, because you will naturally have less need for coping mechanisms, for you will have less stress in your life.
You will have and be Unconditional Love, and you will be free.
• • •
What is Your Step-by-Step Process?
- Establish a relationship with the Unconditional Love that resides within you
Set the intention and commit to establishing a relationship to the Unconditional Love that resides within you. Understand that Unconditional Love is the key. Commit to experiencing it, feeling and communing with it on a daily basis using the methods written here. Or come up with a way to works for you. A relationship with Unconditional Love of oneself is very personal. Understand that God’s love/unconditional love is based on feeling, it must be felt: you do not have to do any action or behavior in order to feel this love.
- Begin to see yourself through the eyes of Unconditional Love.
As your personal relationship is established, begin to see yourself through the eyes of Unconditional Love. Recognize those thoughts and inner judgments throughout your day that eventually lead to feelings of anxiety, anger-at-self, shame, self-loathing fear and depression, especially those judgments about your behavior. Know that when you feel these feelings, it is not because of the behavior, it is because your are judging yourself.Unlearn this system of self-judgment and begin to reframe your judgments, seeing yourself and your behavior through the eyes of Unconditional Love. Know that all human beings are inherently at their core good, loving, and worthy of love. Understand and know that there is nothing that you can do that would make you unworthy of feeling the Unconditional Love within you
- Have faith
Once you feel the Unconditional Love that resides within you on a regular basis, have faith that your outer life and behavior will begin to change. Begin to live the rest of your life free of the mental struggle that bound you, that stole your time. Focus with joy and freedom on other things in your life: your family, your career, your home, anything else in your life that you want to do or have. Every time you feel those judgments cropping up, again get in touch with the Unconditional Love within you and reframe those thoughts.
- Strengthen your relationship with Unconditional Love through community
If you are having problems with this on your own, work with someone, a coach or a therapist experienced in sexual addiction/sexual issues who can help you reframe your thinking and judgments. It is important that this person does not judge you for your behavior, but is very loving. Establish your own community, support system or network of like-minded others to help you along your way.
The Fundamentals of The Recovery Vortex Process
I’ve been asked to breakdown my step-by-step process in an easy to understand accessible way, so that a person coming into my program totally anew, without any knowledge of God, how The Universe works or the Law of Attraction can understand.
Understand that this is at its core, a very simple process. It can be internalized quite easily, that is if the person has all of the preparatory work of self-development, spiritual work, self-understanding work, group work behind them in the form of meditation practice, enlightening spiritual practice, therapy, passion or devotion to one thing on their belt. It can happen in moments.
But if that person does not have this background, and many addicts in the throes of their addiction do not (which is why they are in the throes of their addiction) then this foundation must be built. It is no different than seeing a house that someone has and you realize that you want that kind of house. You go about trying to build that house, but you only see the finished product and don’t realize there is a solid foundation underneath holding it up. Again, that foundation must be built. To do it “right” to truly have that joy and peace of mind, one must commit themselves to the process of establishing their own relationship with the Unconditional Love that resides within you.
Now, what’s truly wonderful and helpful is the last part of the last sentence above: it already resides within you. A relationship with God/Source/The Universe/Higher Power/Unconditional Love/Whatever You Want to Call It is not something that is outside of you at all. Actually, trying to get it from the outside is the misstep that people make that lead to addictions (to people, money, drugs and alcohol, food, etc). It already resides within you. Isn’t that great to know?
Exactly what is your definition of God/Source/The Universe/Higher Power/Unconditional Love/Whatever You Want to Call It?
In the most general terms, the best objective definition I read was from The Science of Getting Rich by William Wattles. He called it “formless stuff.” It is this formless stuff from which consciousness is made. It is a greater collective consciousness of which we are a part. Understand that it is through our connection with this collective consciousness that our lives can change, because once we tap into it, we tap into the power of The Universe that can change your life.
The best analogy I heard so far is that human beings are energy, and we are like the burning sparks or embers from a fire, each individual and going on our own path, but each connected in material to each other and then connected to the source fire itself.
I don’t believe in God nor have I ever had a relationship with God, what do I do?
Begin to understand Who You Really Are, that you are an extension of this Source Energy, this fire, and begin to develop a relationship with it. If you’ve read over the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, Step 2 reads: Came to believe a Power Greater Than Ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Can one be happy and have their life change without having to believe and establish this relationship with a God/Higher Power/Source etc?
You don’t necessarily have to consciously believe it, no. There are those who do not consciously believe in a God but are still in touch with this Source because they are in touch with how they feel as they go through life and have a highly developed sense of following their intuition, which is the same thing. It is their connection to Source. Athletes, artists, and some business people are like this. They are in touch with their connection to Source without consciously thinking of it, but you can tell by what they do and how they do it.
So say I choose to go the route of believing in this Unconditional Love/God/Source thing. If it already exists within me, then why do I feel so terrible?
You feel so terrible because it is you that is blocking your access to it, or more it is your mindset, (your thought patterns and subsequent feelings) that is blocking you. Once you begin to change your mindset then you will gain access to the Unconditional Love that resides within.
So what specifically do I do?
The first part is to simply make the decision to commit to this work of establish the connection to the Unconditional Love that resides within you. Why? It is because you will have to change the way you do things. The beginning material of this program stated that you could achieve deep inner happiness without necessarily having to abstain from your problematic behavior. BUT, I never said you would not have to change anything. It makes sense that the reason you may be feeling turmoil is because you are doing things a certain way that causes the turmoil. Nothing changes if nothing changes. The desire must come with action.
Everyone has a certain skill that they’ve acquired, whether it is physical fitness, ability to play a musical instrument, gardening, or a skill at you current job. Now imagine someone approached you and said they want to learn what you know because I want to have the skills you have. You then ask them how much time they would make to devote to learning the skill you know, and they say: fifteen minutes a week, or I can just do it on my drive to work. Would you truly tell them they could learn what you know with that kind of time commitment? Well, it is the same with this. Understand that it is through this connection that you’ll achieve the life you really want and through this connection your life will begin to change.
Answer the questions below to help you make this commitment:
1. What specific changes or goals in my life do I really want?
2. How would my life benefit if I established a personal connection to the Unconditional Love that resides within me?
3. Write out the specific amount of time you’re willing to devote to this work. And then write out the specific times of the day you’re going to do this work (it should be done for a minimum of fifteen minutes. Thirty to sixty-minutes is better, but you can build up to that time).
4. How would these changes in your life affect other things in your life?
5. On a scale of 1-10, how motivated are you to begin this work?
Next, understand that your connection to Unconditional Love must be felt. Your feelings are the guide, the indicator that you are getting either closer to The Source that resides within you, or farther away. Follow your feelings.
Why your feelings?
Because that is Truth. Within every human being on this planet was placed a guide, an indicator, a GPS system, that let’s that person know where God/The Universe/Source resides in their life. This is why it is not actually necessary that a person follow a formal religion to be in touch with the Unconditional Love within them. It is always there in the form of your feelings.
What feeling am I going for?
It has been described by different people in different ways. Here are a few examples of words used by different people:
– unconditional love
– in touch
– in my zone
– in the vortex
But do you get the sense that these interpretations are generally all moving towards the same thing? Read over those words again and again until you begin to feel the direction they are going.
I have to admit, as an addict, I am nervous of wanting to feel good, because it has led to my compulsive problems, what do I do?
Forget about labeling yourself as “an addict” for a moment. As you’ve been reading, the key to feeling deep contentment, fulfillment and spiritual happiness is in the word “feel.” And that is so because those feelings ARE your connection to Source/God/Unconditional Love that resides within you.
Now, what are “addicts?” Addicts are people who desperately followed that desire to feel good at all costs, and they committed to it at the cost of their families, their jobs, their finances, etc. But you can’t get to the feelings described above by taking in something outside of yourself, be it a drug, a person, a possession or an outside activity without unwanted consequences (loss of money, job, relationships, jail, etc.). The only way to get to those feelings is by doing things that bring out those feelings naturally for they are already within.
But, like an addict, your commitment to continuously be in touch with those feelings that are connected to Source is the same. Like an “addict” the most important thing is to pay attention to how you feel, and make that commitment to your emotional guidance system that will always lead you back to Source. Always.
How can I tell the difference then between a desire to feel good that is based on an addictive compulsive behavior and the commitment to being connected to Source?
As I said above, if your desire to feel good is causing you to go outside of yourself (drinking, continuous love relationships, gambling, etc.) then eventually those activities are not sustainable.
Are they bad?
No. They are just not sustainable. Nothing is good or bad, those words are illusions, not Truth.
I’ve never felt deep happiness or fulfillment, or not for very long periods of time, but I’d like to. What do I do?
As I said above, first make the commitment to do so. Then begin making a list of those activities that help you to feel that way, that help you to move in that direction. Examples of these activities may be:
– walk in nature
– spend time with your pets
– read self-development material
– watch children play
– spend time with someone you love
– spend good times with good friends
– savor good meals
Then pick the activities that resonate with you the most and commit to doing them on a daily basis for at least 15 minutes to start, but if you can gradually increase the amount of time that would be better. And when you do these activities, pay attention to and savor the good, happy feelings so your mind begins to get used to what they feel like on a regular basis. It’s that simple.
As you do these activities each day on a regular basis, the point is just to begin to observe your feelings, like an outside observer. There is no need to judge your feelings, just observe, like a curious child taking notes.
If it helps, keep a Feelings Journal for the next couple of weeks. I would suggest getting a small pocket notepad and a small pen, both of which can fit in your pocket. That way you can carry them around wherever you go, because it is important to document your feelings right after they occur. You do not have to record things minute by minute, but whenever you have a noticeable shift. Simply have the date, a brief explanation of the occurrence, your feelings, and thoughts. The purpose of this is to begin getting into the habit of observing your thoughts and subsequent feelings as things happen throughout your day.
Unconditional Love Must Be Felt
If Unconditional Love is the key, how does one access it? How does one interact with it to have it transform their lives? It is simple. Unconditional Love is simply felt. It must be felt. It is an energetic emotion, a feeling.
The simplest way I know to experience this Unconditional Love that is already within me is to sit and do what I call purposeful meditation. Get into a comfortable seated position. Your eyes can be open or closed. Take a few deep breaths and follow the movement of air in and out of your lungs. Focus on being present in the moment. Notice what you are hearing, seeing, feeling, tasting and touching. As for any unintended thoughts, do not make any strong effort to get rid of them. Just notice them as well and then let them go as easily as they come.
When you have done all of this, simply set the intention to feel this Unconditional Love within you and begin to just focus on the feeling it. Feel its warmth and light. If it helps, visualize yourself in a ball of soft blue light. Or visualize this ball of soft blue light in your heart and let it grow. A friend of mine said it helped for her to visualize being cradled by a large loving gentle hand. Notice that it has always been there, loving you, ready for you to feel it no matter what you have done or what you do.
Then once you feel it, that is the work. Just sit with Unconditional Love and let it heal you by just feeling it and experiencing it for an extended period of time. If you feel so inclined, take the time to commune with it. Ask it questions and see if you get any answers. This may or may not happen, but that is fine if it doesn’t.
The most important thing is that you’ve finally felt this Unconditional Love that was always been there waiting for you. After you’ve established the ability to feel it in your life, it is important to do this regularly. Set aside the same time every day and make it a regular practice. Once you know how this feels, you can access Unconditional Love to guide you at all times throughout your day.
Just remember there is a Love already within you that knows no bounds. And it must be felt. Realize this is the essence of Who You Really Are.
What If I Cannot Feel Unconditional Love Through Meditation?
That is fine. Meditation is not the only way to feel unconditional love. Whenever you do an activity in which you feel good, feel joy, or feel the appreciation of life itself, you are feeling the presence of Unconditional Love in your life.
For some people this is through exercise; for others it is spending time with their family; and still for others it may be walking the dog or spending time in nature. Everyone has an activity that helps one to feel good. Once that feeling is there, continue to savor it in your life as you would savor the taste of wonderfully prepared food. Breathe it in. As you begin to build on these feelings that is also a path to Unconditional Love.
I myself feel strong love well within me when I am thinking about my wife and daughter. I then add to it thoughts of gratitude. Once I feel that in my heart, I just sit there with it. And again, it is important to do this regularly. I wake up very early in the morning and make time to do this. It has been an essential part of my day for several years.
I also listen to motivational audios from the Internet from Law of Attraction authors such as Esther Hicks, Joe Vitale, Bashar and others. Instead of having my own sometimes turbulent thoughts in my head, I have theirs. Listening to a favorite piece of music is also an easy quick way to shift one’s mood and vibration as well.
There are many ways to start on this path to Unconditional Love. You owe it to the quality of your own life to take the time to find yours.